Bill's Husband
by Lanx Borealis
Summary: Bill Cipher and Dipper Pines have been together for a while now. In fact, Bill thinks it's the perfect time to introduce Dipper to his husband, Tad Strange. Dipper can't help but think that introducing your boyfriend to your husband is a terrible idea. Too bad Bill is the epitome of "terrible ideas." Bill/Tad/Dipper. BAP AU.


**Disclaimer: I do not own GF**

 **I didn't edit this at all.**

 **OKAY SO SOME PRETENSE this isn't BillDip it's TadBillDip so I am not a hypocrite!**

 **A really long time ago I had an AU called the BAP AU. It stood for (B)ill/T(a)d/Di(p)per. Basically, the AU was about young college student Dipper Pines getting involved with Bill and later, Tad, and getting into a relationship with both demons. At the same time, however, they had plans of their own regarding the world...**

 **I never officially wrote anything for it, but me and Angel discussed it a lot and we decided to kinda dust it off and bring it back more or less.**

 **Plus! I wanted to work on writing something that's low-stress. And this is as low stress as you can get.**

 **I'll probably write more for this AU, including how Dipper and Bill met, and some other short stories for it all to detail this AU out more. That being said, if you have any questions, feel free to shoot them at my tumblr (mercurialsmile . tumblr . com).**

 **Oh, also because I didn't explain Bill's appearance in this, here is what he looks like: xerohn - alighieri . tumblr post / 161107249727 / art - demariel - new - bap - au - bill (remove all those spaces lol)**

 **Anyways, that's all I got, Enjoy!**

~~0~~0~~0~~

"But… what if he doesn't _like_ me?"

Bill tutted, cupping Dipper's chubby cheeks in his hands and massaging them gently. "Oh, he's gonna love ya, Pine Tree! Just keep an open mind!"

"But- but I mean… you're- you're _married_ to him! And he's a _demon!_ What if he- I mean, not that I don't- you just- I, er, I mean-"

"Kid, kid!" Bill shook his head, chuckles spilling from his lips, and he pulled the trembling young man close. Bill tucked Dipper's head under his chin and wrapped his arms tight around him. "You're _really_ overthinking this! Seriously, Pine Tree! Chill!" Bill snapped his fingers, and suddenly snow fell on top of Dipper's head, nearly sliding down the back of his shirt.

Dipper yelped and jumped out of Bill's arms. "Bill!" he cried out, hopping from foot-to-foot to try and shake the snow off himself. Of course, Bill couldn't summon normal snow. As the clumps began to melt, human teeth dropped around Dipper's feet.

Dipper groaned, all too use to the demon's antics to _really_ get on his ass yet again.

Bill snickered, slinging an arm around Dipper's shoulders again. "You chill now?"

"You _ass!"_

Bill laughed more. "See! You're smiling now! Nothing to worry about!"

Dipper shook his head slowly, but his smile didn't quite fade. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I just… feel weird? I mean you're…. Demon married. You're introducing your _boyfriend_ to your _husband."_

"Yeah, so?" Bill rolled his eyes, his pupils flashing a green inside his iris of gold. "Look, kid. Demons ain't like humans. You humans _love_ pouncing on one another and tearing each other apart over the smallest thing! It's actually hilarious and that's why I love ya guys so much!" Bill ruffled Dipper's fluffy curls. He left his hand in Dipper's hair, stroking back down his jaw. "But that's not how demons work! Not at all. All this _monotony_ business and throwing hissy fits just because someone can't devote one-hundred percent of their attention on ya is not a demon thing. Demons don't give that much of a shit. I know you humans like to think of demons as they scary, serious monstrosities, but the fact of the matter is, most demons don't care about humans or anything but themselves, really. And you humans call _us_ the selfish ones…."

"Are you done with your speech yet?" Dipper said with a roll of his eyes.

Bill snorted. "Yeah, yeah! All I'm saying, kid, is that _most_ demons have multiple partners, it ain't a rare thing! But do you _know_ what _is_ rare?"

Dipper crossed his arms. "What?" Dipper tensed himself, already prepared for Bill to bring some horror or another into existence.

But instead, Bill ruffled Dipper's hair again. "For a human as incredible and as non-annoying as you to exist." Bill's arm dropped to wrap around Dipper again, and he pulled him close, capturing his lips in a surprisingly chaste kiss.

Dipper gasped against Bill's lips, giving him ample time to slip his tongue into Dipper's mouth, tasting him thoroughly. Dipper moaned, rubbing his tongue against Bill's, and when they parted, they were both left panting, desire brewing in their eyes for more.

"Feelin' better, Pine Tree?" Bill asked with a smirk. He rubbed his hand against Dipper's rump, not quite touching his ass.

Dipper chuckled, leaning his cheek against Bill's chest. He could hear Bill's several hearts _thump thump_ right below muscle and ribs. "Maybe a little," he sung, pulling back. He reached up to tug at Bill's pointy beard. "Okay. I- I think I'm ready."

Bill grinned. "Glad to hear it, kid. You're gonna love Tad. And I know he's gonna love ya. Hell! I've already told him _all_ about ya!"

Dipper tensed. "You- you did?"

"Of course!" Bill began leading him out of Dipper's room and down the stairs. "I told him how smart ya are for a human. How you're all sweaty and don't shower-"

"Hey!"

"-and how you scrunch up your nose when thinking really hard and chew on pens till they explode and it looks like you just sucked the blood outta some poor sucker! He thought that was kinda hot."

Dipper sighed, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. "That doesn't surprise me. He _is_ married to you. Demon married."

Bill chuckled. "Demon married is right!"

Both Dipper and Bill stepped out into the warm summer night. It took all of half a second for mosquitos to descend upon the two. Unlike Bill, whose blood was so potent the bugs instantly died as they took a sip, Dipper was left swatting himself.

"So… where are we going anyways? I thought we'd go to the Mindscape or…?"

Bill barked an odd laugh. "Nah, kid! 'Course not! Tad's not an all-powerful dream demon like I am! He's a little pussy reality demon. Don't let him know I said that."

Dipper gave Bill a two-fingered salute. "Swear on my life."

Bill grunted. "Well, I own that, so that's not much."

"Hey!" Dipper playfully punched Bill in the shoulder, making the demon cackle again.

As Dipper precariously sat behind Bill on his motor tricycle ("it makes a triangle, kid!"). He gripped the back of Bill's seat so tightly, his knuckles stained white. He eyed Bill as the demon tossed his keys from hand to hand, mounting the bike and nearly crushing Dipper's pudgy fingers.

"Ready, kid? Told Tad we'd meet him in the graveyard." Bill started the ignition.

"Ah, yes. Nothing's better than being surrounded by dead people when meeting your boyfriend's husband."

Bill's laughter was caught by the wind as he suddenly took off out of the driveway and down the road.

Dipper cried out as he was lurched forward by the bike. Dipper ducked his head down, squinting his watering eyes as wind pummeled him. Luckily, the graveyard wasn't _too_ far away, and whether it was because Bill was an all-powerful demon or was just plain lucky, every light on the way was green as they zoomed past.

Bill drove like a madman, weaving between cars without care. He nearly knocked off someone's side mirror, and he laughed when he caught the bird that was sent his way.

Dipper lost count of how many honks tailed them.

Sooner rather than later, Bill skidded to a stop at the graveyard. The gravel underneath the wheels of the bike blew dust into the air, triggering a small coughing fit from Dipper as he shimmied his bulky self out of the back of the bike.

Bill threw an arm around Dipper's shoulders, pulling him close and patting his back roughly. Dipper coughed once more, clearing his throat, and spitting a loogie on the ground, snorting.

"Nice," Bill said, spinning his keys on his finger before stuffing them into his pocket. Keeping a tight arm around Dipper's rounded shoulders, he lead the both of them into the graveyard.

Though the sun shone in the fall sky, the air around the two hung with a certain somberness. The leaves that had already fallen to the ground didn't quite crunch under their feet. Instead, the leaves softened the crackling of the gravel. Each step brought a shiver of a noise, like ghosts were trying to speak to them beyond the veil.

Dipper eyed the different graves curiously, cocking a brow at the more grandiose stones. His face, schooled into soft and sympathetic look, stayed apathetic out of pure respect than anything else.

Unlike Dipper, however, Bill held no qualms when it came to openly laughing at dead people. Stopping before a particularly large gravestone- one which actually had a weeping angel crouched over it- he pointed and laughed at it.

"You humans focus so much on your dead, you waste your own lives! Seriously, that dead person ain't never gonna see that statue. You humans just can't let go."

Dipper snorted. "Neither can you," he snarked, shrugging his shoulders to remind that Bill's arm was still draped over him.

Bill rolled his eyes, and kept walking. Dipper followed. "Yeah, but yer not dead, Pine Tree!"

"Not _yet."_ Dipper bit the inside of his cheek, his heart sinking in his chest.

Bill's hand went from rubbing his shoulder to patting him on the cheek. "Stop that, kid. When ya die, I'll still be owning your soul, and we can fuck for eternity if ya want."

Dipper's cheeks turned bright red and he ducked his face down. "Bill! No! Don't be so loud about that!"

Bill erupted into laughter. "Oh, but it's a nice thought for you, ain't it, Pine Tree? Admit it. You like it!"

Dipper shoved Bill away, puffing his cheeks out and rolling his eyes. "Hardly. Now, where the hell are we even going?"

Bill shook his head, tossing his black and blue hair back, and returned to Dipper's side. Chuckles still spilled from his lips. "Patience, Pine Tree! We're going to a grave just down yonder." Bill jabbed a clawed finger forward. "Me and Tad marked it out together. That's where the portal is gonna open." Bill sped up his leisurely pace, and his eyes glinted with excitement. He bared his fangs in a toothy grin- the golden teeth in his mouth gleaming under the weak sunlight.

They brought a shiver to Dipper.

"But… why a graveyard?" Dipper couldn't help but ask again.

"Not many people here _and_ places like these usually have pretty weak veils, kid. Makes it easier for him to rip a portal into this world! Like I said, he's a pussy reality demon."

Dipper snorted, and chose not to comment.

Once they reached the grave Bill had pointed out, the two were left waiting for the tell-tale signs of a portal being opened. Dipper scuffed his shoes in the dirt, whistling mindless tunes under his breath.

Bill, in the meanwhile, had taken to poking around the grave. The words on the tombstone were so eroded, not even he could read them. So instead, Bill took a claw and began carving into the stone himself.

Dipper snorted as he watched Bill. "Don't tell me you're going to carve BILL WAS HERE into that."

"Actually, I was gonna record the date of when the world is gonna end, but that sounds fun too!"

Dipper shook his head, his lips quirking with amusement as Bill set to work. As Bill finally finished the R in HERE, the pressure around the two suddenly skyrocketed. There was no buildup to the crushing weight that Dipper found himself victim to, and his knees almost buckled under the immense force.

Dipper cried out, and Bill was instantly at his side, holding him up. While Dipper's face was furrowed in a little fear and mostly shock, Bill just kept on grinning like a maniac.

"Oh, Taddy oh boy, where are ya?" Bill yelled, laughing all the way.

The sound of reality ripping was like an explosion backwards. Sound that Dipper didn't even know was there suddenly _zipped,_ turned in on itself and then, vomited back out. In front of the grave, space itself split in half, revealing a fiery pit.

Not Hell, but something worse.

Dipper hesitated, gripping Bill tightly. But instead of being tossed through, as Dipper had been expecting, a single, long leg appeared from the fire. No flames caught onto the expensive fabric of the black slack, and no soot stained the impeccably shined dress shoe.

And, out from the flames, stepped a man.

That was, truly, the only way to describe Tad Strange. A man. The most normal, simple, and average man Dipper had ever laid eyes on. Yet, despite all those qualities, the fact that he looked so absolutely and positively _normal_ in every sense of the word, was abnormal in and of itself.

His hair was stylized, not a single hair out of place, and shone a dark plum in the sunlight. He was pale, but not _too_ pale; skin that got enough sun expected from someone who worked a nine-to-five job. Tad wore a three piece suit with a purple coat, white undershirt, and long, non-descript black tie.

Unlike Bill, only two things tipped Dipper off as Tad being _something else_ than human; his bright amethyst eyes, and a bowler hat that hovered an inch off his head.

"Tad!" Bill cried out with a grin. He ran to Tad's side like a puppy, easily lifting up the smaller man in his arms, and gave him a crushing hug. "I missed ya!" Bill nuzzled Tad's cheek, then gave him a long lick.

Tad chuckled, his nose scrunching up at Bill's lick, and patted Bill on the cheek. Grabbing ahold of Bill's pointed beard, Tad dragged him into a hard, rough, and long kiss.

Dipper stood several feet away, shuffling his feet and flushing as he watched Tad insert his tongue into Bill's mouth. He looked away quickly, biting the inside of his cheek as his stomach twisted. His heart, which had already been beating rapidly due to his anxiety, clenched in his chest, and began to ache.

When Tad released Bill, Bill was left panting and grinning. His golden teeth gleamed as he leaned his cheek on Tad's head. Tad's hat was pushed a little to the side.

"It's good to see you as well, Bill," Tad said with an even voice, the barest pricks of affection in it. He reached up and scratched Bill behind the ear as his eyes fell upon Dipper.

Dipper pressed his arms into his sides. Tad was shorter than him as well, thinner, and Dipper couldn't help but feel he was intruding on something. He opened his mouth, whether to introduce himself or try and excuse himself to slip away, but before he could say anything at all, Tad smiled warmly at him. Lines around his eyes crinkled.

Peeling himself away from Bill, Tad approached Dipper in a few steps, staring up at him. He proffered his hand. "And you must be Dipper. Bill has told me a lot about you, it's great to finally meet you."

This close, Dipper could see a light sheen of sweat collecting on Tad's forehead.

 _He's just as nervous as I am,_ Dipper thought, and in that moment, the anxiety boiling in his stomach seemed to finally settle.

Dipper took Tad's hand firmly, shaking it just how Grunkle Stan taught him to do. "It's nice too meet you too, Tad," Dipper somehow worked the words out of his mouth without butchering them completely- a feat in and of itself. "I hope the things Bill told you were _good_ things." Dipper shot Bill a small glare over Tad's shoulder. Bill grinned back at him and looped forward, wrapping an arm around both Tad and Dipper's shoulders.

"Of course I've only ever gave Tad the good stuff! Whaddaya take me for?"

"A whiner," Tad said without a single second of hesitation. Dipper couldn't help it- he snorted loudly.

Tad grinned himself and dropped Dipper's hand. Bill, in protest, whined at Tad and headbutted him.

"You're just proving my point," Tad chuckled, nipping Bill's nose before running his fingers through Bill's hair again.

This time, with Bill's thick arm wrapped around his rounded shoulders, Dipper found himself easing into the affection between Tad and Bill, smiling carefully.

Tad lifted his free hand in the air, snapping to close the fiery portal behind him.

Dipper eyed the portal as it zipped shut. "Are you going to be staying with us?" he couldn't help but ask, glancing back up at Tad.

Tad blinked, his forehead crinkling as his eyebrows rose, breaking his perfect mask of calmness. "I- I was planning on it?" he posed the statement like a question. "I- I thought I was…." he glanced at Bill nervously.

Bill snorted. "'Course he's gonna be staying, kid! With me! If that's alright? We've been apart for quite a long time now-"

Dipper shook his head, waving Bill off. "It- it's fine! I was just curious is all! So, um… Tad?"

"Yes?"

Dipper mulled over his thoughts, picking them out carefully. The last thing he needed was to offend _Bill's husband_ of all people. Er, demons.

"Bill told me you're a- uh- reality demon? What exactly is-?"

Tad's eyes brightened and he ducked out from under Bill's arm so he could stand on Dipper's other side. He straightened his hat back on his head and his tie as well as he said, "a reality demon is just another type of demon, kinda like how Bill over here is a dream demon. I can't touch minds and dreams, nor can I dream on my own, however I can create things on this plain- and any plain- of reality."

Dipper's eyes widened, his mouth hanging agape. "Anything? Seriously?"

Tad chuckled. "Almost anything. It has to be able to exist in whatever dimension I am in. So if I needed to, say, make a building, that's doable. However, I can't create things such as… oh, magical boots that eat the wearer's feet, for instance."

Bill stuck his tongue out. "That's what makes his powers boring."

Tad twisted his wrist around, summoning a plain black umbrella, and whacked Bill across the shins.

"Hey! You jerk!" Bill hopped away from Tad, pouting and rubbing his legs.

Dipper couldn't help it; he laughed alongside Tad.

"That's for being mean," Tad tutted at Bill, making his umbrella disappear.

The three began walking toward the entrance to the graveyard. Dipper stood between Bill and Tad, listening with a small smile as they bickered over this-and-that. Bill was explaining the house he had gotten for the both of them as they approached his motor tricycle.

At the sight of the vehicle, Tad froze. "I am _not_ riding in that."

Bill curled his lips up. "Oh, is my bike not good enough for you?"

"No, it just looks stupid."

"You look stupid!" Bill snarked back, crossing his arms.

Dipper couldn't help but silently agree with Tad. "Wait, can't you just make your own vehicle if you wanted, though?"

Tad shot Dipper a toothy grin. He had fangs just like Bill did.

Just another trait that marked Tad as the demon he really was.

"That was the plan, Dipper. Would you like to ride with me instead of Bill?"

"Hey! Don't steal my boyfriend!"

Tad rolled his eyes. "Wasn't that the entire point of me coming here, to good 'ole Earth in the first place?"

"Yeah, to _meet_ Pine Tree. Not take him for yourself." Bill marched to Dipper's side, grabbing his wrist and tugging him closer to his bike. "C'mon, Pine Tree!"

Tad sighed, shaking his head. He leaned in close to Dipper, whispering into his ear, "he's always been possessive like this. He'll get over it soon. He knows who _he_ belongs to."

Dipper couldn't help but shiver at Tad's slick words as the demon pulled away. He glanced back at Tad- short, thin, and unassuming in every way.

Yet, there was a deadly, almost manic glint in his eyes. Something told Dipper that crossing Tad was a very, _very_ bad idea.

Tad leaned on his left foot, crossing his arms. "How about this, you can drive Dipper, and we all go back to your place, Bill. You can give me the grand tour of my new home. How does that sound?"

Bill's grin returned. "Okay! Sounds good to me!" He hopped back over to Tad, kissing his cheek.

Tad ran his fingers through Bill's hair again, leaning in to kiss underneath his ear. Dipper couldn't hear Tad as he murmured _good boy_ into Bill's ear.

Dipper mounted Bill's motor tricycle yet again as Tad went to work creating a small, but sleek black car for himself. Gripping the back of Bill's seat with tight fingers, Dipper twisted around to watch the reality demon at work as he weaved magic in the air.

Dipper didn't get enough time to observe Tad, however. As Bill started the ignition and revved his tricycle, he tossed Tad another toothy, wolfish, grin.

"Catch up before ya get lost, Strange!" he barked over his shoulder. And though Dipper had prepared himself as he always did, his entire body still jerked painfully as Bill took off back onto the road, leaving Tad in the dust.

~~0~~0~~0~~

Dipper sat awkwardly on Bill's couch, drumming his fingers on his thighs as he glanced at the door.

Bill, of course, did not live in a normal house or apartment. He lived in Dipper's closet.

Well, not _exactly_ his closet. Once he and Bill had started dating, Bill thought that a week was enough time to spend with someone to know that he wanted to move in with him.

The mere thought of having to tell his parents that his demon boyfriend wanted to move in with him after a week nearly thrust Dipper into a panic attack. There was _no way_ his parents would _ever_ allow Bill to live with them, and that was final.

Dipper had stayed up too many sleepless nights in a row trying to figure out cheap apartments to live in, only to be shocked out of his skeleton when Bill looped out of his closet, clapping him on his back, and telling him to "go to sleep already!"

As it turned out, Bill used some magic artifact or another to install a pocket dimension in his closet. Behind his clothes and thick coats hanging from the rack, was absolutely and positively nothing- just a black void of space.

And where his closet ended, stairs began, down into the absolute void and to an apartment door of all things labeled 618.

Of course, the apartment door was _not_ an apartment door, the eye hole was a literal eye that rolled around mindlessly, and the door itself was made up of pulsating muscles that created a permanent puddle of blood that acted as a welcome mat.

Luckily for Dipper, the eternal void was the perfect place to throw up.

He was thankful that the doorknob, though made of some odd crystal substance with a floating middle finger inside it, was completely normal.

Plus, none of the blood got _inside_ Bill's home, which was another plus.

Dipper really had no idea how Tad was going to find his way to Bill's home.

While Dipper lazed on the couch, pretending it _wasn't_ made from authentic kitten fur, Bill fussed around his home, swinging his cane around, breaking random knick-knacks and frames off the walls, only for them to reform into completely different objects somewhere else. Some demonic alcoholic beverage or another floated around behind him. He took sips from it randomly.

"Bill, how is Tad gonna even find this place?" Dipper finally had to ask, sinking into the couch further.

 _Crash._ Bill shattered the glass door leading to the balcony. The pieces began reforming into a stained glass door that depicted his true form next to a purple square demon.

The bowler hat tipped off Dipper that it was Tad.

"Oh, he'll find his way here, Pine Tree! I wouldn't worry too much about Tad. He does things his own way and pace." Bill threw himself besides Dipper, and pulled him so close, their noses almost touched.

"Before he gets here and takes you away from me, we should have a little _fun,"_ Bill sung. Before Dipper could question Bill on what he meant by _Tad taking him away,_ Bill crashed their lips together in a hard kiss.

Dipper gasped, parting his lips so Bill's forked tongue could slither into his mouth. It wrapped all around Dipper's shorter tongue, then somehow bent backward toward the back of his throat, rubbing against his cheeks and near the back of his tongue.

Dipper's gag reflex was long use to the demon's interesting kissing ways, and he found himself melting into Bill- both his taste and his touch. Any moan that vibrated in the back of Dipper's throat was gobbled up by Bill as he slowly climbed across Dipper, pressing him back against the couch. Dipper wrapped his arms tight around Bill, arching up into his poisoned touches.

Fire sparked in the pit of Dipper's belly, and the heat originating from his face began to spread all across his body, peeling his skin up, and searing him to his marrow.

Bill's hand crept up Dipper's flannel, caressing his soft gut. His fingers sunk into Dipper's plush love handles, his claws digging into his flesh from grip.

Dipper squeaked into Bill's mouth. The demon didn't draw blood, but the pain felt better than it should.

The sound of the doorknob jiggling broke Dipper and Bill apart. Bill tore himself from Dipper, baring his teeth in a grin as he scrambled up and ran to the door.

Bill opened the door as Dipper gained his senses back, sitting up and rubbing his head while smacking his lips together. He twisted around to watch as Tad step in.

"So, this is our new home! How do you like it?"

"Wait, did you walk into my house and through my room?" Dipper asked, but neither of the demons seemed to hear him.

Tad rubbed his chin as he hung his cane on a coat rack that was supposedly made up of the bones of Bill's enemies.

"Reminds me of our home dimension, but not." Tad nodded, a slight smile creeping across his face. "It's lovely."

Bill began purring, and headbutted Tad gently. Tad chuckled, reaching up to scratch Bill behind his ear. He finally seemed to notice Dipper as he stepped further inside.

Tad graced Dipper was a shy smile. "Hello, Dipper. Sorry if I took too long. And no worries- your parents are fine."

Dipper tensed. "Wait, what did you do to my parents?"

Tad waved Dipper off. "Nothing permanent. Just had to slip by them to get here, is all."

Dipper stayed tense as Bill began babbling about their home, the type of flesh it was carved from, and other disturbing intricacies Dipper forced himself to tune out. When Bill and Tad disappeared into a hallway, it took two minutes for Dipper to surrender to curiosity and clamber to his feet.

Brushing invisible dust off his thighs, Dipper began picking his way down the hallway. It was longer than the rest of the house and so thin, Dipper nearly had to walk sideways. He frowned, pressing his elbows into his sides.

Pictures of Bill both in his true, triangular form and in his now more human form passed Dipper. The eyes seemed to follow him, each glinting with a teasing light of a knowledge Dipper knew he'd never have. Dipper focused his own eyes forward. The picture frames halfway down the hallway lost their canvases and became open doorways with ill-fitting doors inside them.

Dipper ignored those doors, and the odd clicking, slimy, far-away screams, that seemed to bleed from them. Instead, he stared straight at the door hanging at the very end of the hallway. It was partially ajar, but Dipper couldn't hear much.

It took over five minutes for Dipper to read the end of the hallway, and in that span of time, trepidation had crawled its way into his veins, taking root in his heart and stomach.

Dipper hesitated before just pushing the door open- what if Tad and Bill were busy doing some special demon-husband thing? Dipper wasn't so sure _that_ would entail, but he didn't want to just… find out either way. Tightening his hand into a fist, he knocked on the door frame instead. Unlike the rest of the house, it was made of birch wood, but the odd eye-like patterns glowed gold.

Some rustled on the other side of the door, and someone cleared their throat.

"Pine Tree? That you?"

Dipper rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "No, it's the Easter Bunny."

"Damn. I _knew_ that exterminator I hired was a scam-!"

Dipper went ahead and pushed inside.

Bill's master bedroom was no longer glittering a gilded, greedy gold. Though the ceiling stayed open to the impossibilities of the universe, the thick red carpet had been replaced with a shaggy plum counterpart. Mirrors hung on the left wall, all of different shapes and sizes, and none of them having the actual function of a mirror, but something else.

The tick-tock of a cuckoo clock had taken presence when there originally had been none. When Dipper glanced behind himself, he saw the offending clock hanging above the doorway. Instead of a clock face, there was a human heart pumping blood. Dipper decided he didn't want to figure out where the actual _tick-tock_ sound came from, and quickly tore his eyes away from the clock.

The only other change to the room was the master bed. It had grown double its size from when Dipper first remembered it. The bedding stayed red, and the posts still gleamed ebony with luminous, golden vein-like details. Now, though, the silk canopy above the bed glittered a deep red-violet, and the headboard had a different carving inside it. Instead of a single eye, perpetually watching anyone who laid in its body, there was a mural of monsters of indescribable horror slaughtering the people of the world.

Instead of an eye, a triangle eclipsed with a square hung over the carnage.

Dipper didn't focus much on the bed's changes, however. Instead, his eyes were frozen at the sight of Tad sitting on the bed, straight and nearly perfect, as Bill stood between his legs. Tad had pinned Bill's hands down to the bed, making him unable to move from where he stood, and from below Tad was ravaging at Bill's lips.

Though Bill had stopped briefly when Dipper had entered, with a tap of his toes, Tad had gotten Bill back before him to take.

Dipper's entire face flushed and he quickly retreated, his back running into the door. "S- Sorry, I- I didn't m- mean to i- interrupt!" he squeaked before stumbling back through.

Dipper pretended not to hear the demons' cries for his name as he practically ran down the long hallway. Traitorous tears bubbled in his eyes, misting his sight. His hands shook as he tried to wipe them away.

Shame crept up Dipper's neck in an ugly, blotchy blush. What did he expect, really? To be treated equally to his- his _boyfriend's husband._

It didn't matter if what Bill had said about monogamy and demons were true or not. If Bill had someone like Tad, then what use was an overweight, obsessive human to him? Besides, Bill had told him before that _all_ Earth was to him was some _fun._ Just something to pass the time.

Now that Tad was here, Bill didn't need _him_ of all people to pass time.

A hand falling on his shoulder broke Dipper from his grim thoughts.

"Bill, I don't-" Dipper began to say, but his sentence was sliced in half.

"Dipper," Tad murmured. "I- I'm sorry you had to see that. I- I just haven't seen him in a very long time."

Dipper couldn't turn around in the hallway- his shoulders were too large- but he did twisted his head around to look at Tad better. He shook his head quickly.

"No, Tad. I- It's fine. Really. I mean… you're his husband. I'm just… a fling. It doesn't matter." Dipper forced a smile, but his nose and lungs betrayed him, and he sniffled loudly.

"Dipper…." Though Tad was much smaller than him, he was still a demon, and thus easily prevented Dipper from shaking his hand off. "That's not true. If you were "just a fling-"

Dipper could hear the air quotations in Tad's voice.

"-then Bill would've never even told me about you. He wouldn't have introduced you to me."

"Yeah, but-" Dipper began, but his voice trailed off as Tad pulled out a handkerchief, patting Dipper's cheeks and mopping up the tears on his eyelashes threatening to fall.

"But nothing," Tad said softly. "Bill is like a puppy. He missed me and wants to make sure I am okay. I missed him too. But that doesn't mean he no longer cares for you now that I'm back." Tad sighed. "I don't mean to- to bother you when I say this, but I do think Bill intends for us to become just as close as me and him- or you and him."

Dipper's cheeks flushed a brilliant scarlet, and he squirmed, trying to turn around to face Tad. He bumped his shoulders hard into the wall, and yelped.

Tad's lips twitched. "Let's get out of this hallway." With a snap of his fingers, both he and Dipper were back on Bill's couch.

Dipper shook his head, eyes darting about to make sure he really was where he thought he was, then looked back at Tad.

Tad's smile was gentle, and he reached out to take Dipper's hands in his own. Dipper stared down, watching Tad weave their fingers together curiously.

His heart began to pound in his chest again, and he peeked up at Tad through his fluffy bangs.

"So… wait…. What you're saying is that Bill wants us to-?"

Tad chuckled. "Never thought he to be the one to play matchmaker, but what other reason would he have to introduce us to one another? I don't know how much Bill told you about demons and their… mating rituals."

Dipper's nose scrunched up. "Almost nothing at all. Except monogamy is rare."

"It is. Most demons have several partners, but usually those partners aren't involved with one _another._ The fact that Bill has introduced us can only mean that he wants all of us to be involved equally with one another."

Dipper's brows disappeared into his bangs. "He- he does? But- but why?"

Tad chuckled. "Oh, who knows. Bill is weird, even for a demon."

Dipper couldn't help but giggle at that. "That's for sure. But- but wait, does that mean you're-?"

Tad cocked his head to the side. "That I'm-?"

Dipper drew his hands back from Tad's so he could wrap his arms around himself. "That you're interested in- in-" Dipper's heart thudded so painfully in his chest, he thought he would throw it up, "-in me," Dipper finally finished. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them instantly.

Tad cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes in thought. "Well, I _am_ interested in you-"

Dipper's heart froze.

"-as I don't know much about you, and Bill seems to really have gotten attached to you." Tad smiled. "I would love to get to know you, Dipper. I don't want to say anything before it's time, so I won't. But that is the truth. I want to get to know you. Then, we can take things from there, if that's alright?"

Dipper deflated in relief. "No, no that's… that's what I was _hoping_ for you to say, if I'm being honest." Dipper chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "I'm still not one-hundred percent on this… well, demon polygamy thing, but I'm willing to try. For Bill." Dipper returned Tad's smile.

Tad placed his hand on Dipper's hand, scooting a little closer. "I am glad to hear that."

Before Dipper could respond, Bill skidded into the room, Dipper and Tad's names on his lips. "You two left before I could even say-" he paused, eyeing how close they sat, "everything alright?" Bill's lips pulled back into a wide, knowing grin.

Tad patted the couch, calling Bill over to sit on the other side of him. Bill followed his orders and collapsed beside Tad.

"Oh, everything is well, I think. Dipper?"

Dipper jumped at his name, but smiled as Bill placed his chin on Tad's shoulder, staring back into Dipper's eyes with a giddy joy he had never seen before.

"Everything is perfect."

~~0~~0~~0~~

 **This turned out a lot longer that I thought it would be, but I did have fun writing it! I will be writing a prequel or two to this and some sequels in the future when ideas and motivation hit me, so no worries there.**

 **Thank you all for reading, though! Don't forget to leave kudos and comments, I seriously appreciate them ^^**


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